Rocket Science! New Study Says Women Have Great Sex With Men Who Are Rich and Funny

In a groundbreaking new study, researchers have found that women like having sex with rich, good-looking men.

And they found that the men give the best orgasms? Broad-shouldered dudes—who have fat wallets. Call NASA, hire these people!

The researchers, working at the University of Albany, had asked women in heterosexual relationships how intensely and frequently they experience good orgasms. Something you only lie about to the face of the person who is suppose dto be giving you the intense, frequent orgasms when they think they are doing so but in reality are hot.

When asked about the traits of the men that cause the good orgasms, personality, income, confidence, looks, and Tom Brady-like shoulders all were a common theme. You don’t say.

Researchers also found making a lady laugh really can get her to sleep wth you. (Exhibit A: see Kevin James) Funny guys also were found to give women frequent orgasms in between their joke writing.

“Orgasm intensity was related to how attracted (women) were to their partners, how many times they had sex per week and ratings of sexual satisfaction,” the study reports. “Those with partners who their friends rated as more attractive also tended to have more intense orgasms.”

Just hopefully not with their friends.

“Sexual satisfaction was related to how physically attracted women were to their partner and the breadth of his shoulders.”

In other words, on the broad-shouldered spectrum, maybe Louie C.K. would land in the not so Tom Brady area. But, on the other hand, Louie does have next level jokes, so he never really needed the shoulders. Sometimes, the pen is mightier than the Equinox membership.

The study goes on to report:

“Their partner’s sense of humor not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”

So listen, work on your jokes and do a few push ups you’ll get laid. We promise.