A marriage proposal, a ring, a wedding – yes, these are what any couple think about when they are in love. You are in love, yes, in a passion love. You feel happy and it seems that you can’t wait more any second to spend the rest of your life together. But before making such a huge decision in your life, it is important to ask yourself some subject about your relationship.
When you are falling in love with someone, your emotions grow deeper for him/her, it is definitely natural you have a desire to marry them. But do you have answer for some questions before consider a long term commitment, such as: Are you absolutely ready for this marriage? Do you want to have kids? Or how much alone time do you need when you are spend your life with someone?….
Sometime the desire to marry someone make you go in the fog. You forget or ignore designedly something. Now, please relax, close your eyes and start to think about some questions before you walk down the aisle.
Do you need alone time after marriage? If yes, how much time do you need?
Thinking about spending your life with another makes you happy. You envision you will get up together, prepare meals together, share any moment together. You are so eager to spend time with each other and forget that everyone always needs alone time for themselves. You might want to go out with a friend from your high school without your husband or wife. You might want to enjoy quiet time at a coffee shop after a tired working day.
Do you have any discussion related to this problem with your partner? Firstly, ask them about this and listen to their opinion. You need to share opinion with each other. There are two cases: your partner can understand and doesn’t reject this. If so, it is ok, so good for you. But another case, they don’t want you to have time to yourself and don’t accept this. If you don’t have a discussion with them, it is hard for you to avoid the hurt in this case. And your marriage life might become stuffy.
Please consider about family life, relationship with your family after the wedding
When you marry someone, you build your own family. There are different ways to create your family structure. You might not like how your parents or your in – law do it but you can’t refuse or renounce relationship with them. After your marriage, your in-laws become an extension of your relationship. Even when you marry with someone who has kid before, their kid becomes a part of your life and relationship, too.
Please consider about these relationships? Are you close to them and vice versa? You want to spend time with your husband/wife, or your friends but would you like to share your time with these relationships or not? You have to observe, and determine if your fiancé/ fiancée ‘s family a fit for you or not? If yes, it is so well. But if not, what do you face and handle after your wedding?
Please find answer for this question. And of course, you should share your thinking with your partner. Ask him/her to help you. If they are open to help you and support you, nothing to worry anymore. But some people refuse to think about this, and then they are shocked due to having difficulty in extended relationship while their partner doesn’t understand.
Do you have kids and how to raise your kids?
This is a very important matter. You have to have a serious conversation about this matter with partner. If one of you doesn’t want it, your marriage might be damaged. Even if both of you would like to have kids but you can’t make an agreement about when to have kids or how many kids to have, it can become a source of contention in your marriage life. Make a decision about this before your wedding!
And you face to another problem related to your children, too. It is how to raise them. Many couples feel so hard to find a compromise about raising their children. You want to live in city but your partner wants to live in the countryside, you would like kids to learn at a public school but the other refuses your opinion… So many problem related to raising kids you might face to. Besides that, sometimes how to raise kids is impacted by other members in your family (your parents, your parents in – law, relatives..)
Having kids and how to raise them are important matters
Having kids might bring couple closer but sometime bring them farther apart. Therefore, both of you must be on the same way. To do this, be open and discuss with your partner to make sure that you have the same opinion. It helps you avoid unnecessary quarrels in the future.
Your attitude about money as well as handling the financial matters in your marriage life
Finance is essential but difficult subject for any couple. If attitude about financial matters is different, it is hard to avoid quarrels about money. And you know, such these quarrels are often bitter, even lead to broken relationship. You also must know about your fiancé/fiancées financial situation. In another word, you must make sure that you have a strong agreement about finance before making a long –term commitment.
Who will handle financial matter in your family? You will have a joint account or keep finance separately? Or you will have a joint account for some problems but still have separate accounts. It is very essential to discuss about plans in the future, for example: the purchase of a home, kids’ education, or other emergency saving…
Don’t enter into your marriage without knowing anything about your partner’s finance.
Observe and feel about how your partner’s behavior
No doubt that you are in a passionate love and everything related to your partner is so well, so beautiful, so wonderful. Or as people say that lovers are blind. Before walking down the aisle, you have to be awaken. Is your partner kind? How does he/she interact and communicate with others. How does he/she handle a quarrel or disagreement with a stranger. Please remember that he/she will interact with you in the same way they interact with others. If you ignore bad signals of their behavior, you might push yourself in a miserable marriage. And you are lonely in your own marriage.
Your attitude about partner’s passion
Are you ok with partner’s passion?
Each person has different passion. They might love their job so much, love listening to out-loud music, love travelling….When you are in love, you might feel their passion is wonderful, even you love them because of their passion. However when you enter into marriage, please ask yourself if you are ok with these passion. When you spend your time with each other every day, every month, these passion, hobbies would impact your relationship negatively? If you don’t feel good, please open and share your think with partner and find the solution to balance your life. If you can’t find the compromise related to this with partner, consider carefully before making this big life decision.
Marriage is a huge commitment for anyone. Don’t enter into marriage with so many unclear matters. Please make sure that you are absolutely ready to walk down the aisle in the white dress.