My wife and I live in Washington, D.C., a city that\u2019s full of single men who aren\u2019t ready to get married. If they\u2019re anything like I was in my single days, their unwillingness to tie the knot has a lot to do with their unrealistic expectations. Now that I\u2019m seven years into a happy marriage, if I could give some tips to all the single men about adjusting their hopes for life after the wedding, here\u2019s what I would say:<\/p>\n
1. You are more difficult to live with than you realize. <\/b>When you\u2019re single, you don\u2019t usually see how hard it is to be stuck with you. Why? Because your closest relationships are often with buddies or girlfriends you can leave behind whenever things get messy. But if you commit the rest of your life to being with an honest woman, she\u2019s going to let you know that you\u2019re disorganized, that your jokes aren\u2019t funny, or that you constantly break your word. At that point, you\u2019ll either live in denial or change. Either way, if your wife is just telling you the truth in love, you\u2019ll be getting the gift of some hard medicine you\u2019ve probably needed for a long time.<\/p>\n
2. No matter how good of a woman your wife is, just like you, she\u2019s got issues. <\/b>There\u2019s this lie you\u2019ve believed that if you can just find a woman who\u2019s pretty and well-adjusted enough, you\u2019ll marry someone who doesn\u2019t have any major issues. Wrong. Your wife\u2019s insecurities and emotional baggage will be just as intense and vexing as yours, but she\u2019s probably going to work through her issues differently than you do. Depending on how different her personality is, it will be perplexing at times. Try to think of it as a continuing educational experience.<\/p>\n Whatever expectations you\u2019ve developed for your relationship with your mom, don\u2019t carry those into marriage. If you\u2019ve chosen a good wife, let her be a good wife in her own right.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n 3. The role your mother played in your life is very different than the one your wife will play. <\/b>Whatever expectations you\u2019ve developed for your relationship with your mom, don\u2019t carry those into marriage. If you\u2019ve chosen a good wife, let her be a good wife in her own right. She might not have all the strengths (or weaknesses) your mom has, but then again, she\u2019s not your mother; she\u2019s your wife<\/i>. It\u2019s a new day, a new relationship \u2014 move on.<\/p>\n 4. Married sex can be really awesome. <\/b>I realize that Hollywood has convinced you that sex is only fun when it\u2019s promiscuous. But there\u2019s something really powerful when a man and woman give themselves solely to each other and spend years sharing the thousands of touches that make them the foremost experts on each other\u2019s pleasure. When that happens, not only is it incredibly satisfying, it deepens their relationship in ways that will far surpass the temporary thrill of casual sex or (more likely) watching porn. And speaking of porn\u2026<\/p>\n 5. Make sure your wife is the only one meeting your sexual needs.<\/b> I realize that most of you would never cheat on your wife with a co-worker (right?), but what you\u2019re much more likely to do is cheat on her with your eyes. Pornography use has become the norm with men today, and recent research is showing that porn addicts rewire their brains to respond to screens, rather than an actual woman. Guys, don\u2019t be lame. Find satisfaction in your wife through real sex that will hopefully lead to real kids. And speaking of kids\u2026<\/p>\n 6. Children don’t ruin marriages, they bless<\/i> them (if a couple takes care of their relationship).<\/b> My wife and I wanted to have children, but we didn\u2019t want to lose our marriage in the process. So within two weeks after both of my children were born, we went on a date, and years later, we\u2019re still dating and building our relationship. As a result, we\u2019ve maintained our friendship and romance while the love in our family has multiplied with children.<\/p>\n 7. Pray with your wife. <\/b>I realize that many of the men reading this article don\u2019t pray at all, but if you do, please keep in mind that spiritual intimacy is one of the best ways to deepen your relationship with your wife. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, \u201cA cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.\u201d Make a habit of braiding the Lord into your relationship through prayer, and you\u2019ll find your relationship is much stronger for it.<\/p>\n Come on men \u2014 you can do this. You were made<\/i> for risk and sacrifice, and there\u2019s nothing riskier or more sacrificial than marriage. So go ahead, embrace the challenge. It won\u2019t be what you expected \u2014 but with God\u2019s help and some hard work, it can be even better.<\/p>\n Joshua Rogers is an attorney and writer who lives in Washington, D.C. You can follow Joshua on Twitter @MrJoshuaRogers<\/a> and Facebook<\/a>, and read more of his writing at JoshuaRogers.com<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>\n <\/p>\n\n My wife and I live in Washington, D.C., a city that\u2019s full of single men who aren\u2019t ready to get married. If they\u2019re anything like I was in my single days, their unwillingness to tie the knot has a lot to do with their unrealistic expectations. Now that I\u2019m seven years into a happy marriage, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5769,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[864],"tags":[865],"yoast_head":"\n